7 degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy .. it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
S.O.S...
So, I get to go home tomorrow! I am beyond excited about that. I still have a Spanish test that I need to prepare for and home work to do tonight but, it shouldn't take me too long to get it done. I think I'm going to take my laundry home with me to do so that I don't have to worry about trying to snag an empty washer here. That should be considered a form of torture. It's awful.
When I came in from class today, my room mate was watching my television. I guess she didn't go to class. What a shocker. I'm almost as shocked as I was when I found out that Ricky Martin is gay. I always knew there was something off about him as I never believed that "She Bangs". I also think that his mysteriously turning up with twin babies last year (minus the mother) should have let the stragglers who hadn't already figured it out in on the secret. I mean, what woman was he ever tabloid dating? None. The same with Clay Aiken. The women who were surprised to find out about him being gay were just plain stupid. Anyhow, I digress. If she isn't going to go to class, she shouldn't be here. She is wasting space.
I really want this car:
It's an Astin Martin dbs convertible. In the words of Jerry Lewis in "Money From Home"..."Isn't is quisnt"? Yes, yes it is.
New topic. Today I ate hummus, tofu and artichoke hearts. It was an interesting experience to say the least. The jury's still out on whether or not it was a pleasant one though. The deliberation may take a while. I suggest you find something to read.
Another new topic. Something outside is on fire. It's all hazy and it smells like burning wood. I'd say that's the dead give away. I just posted this exact paragraph on Twitter...minus this part. I passed by a funeral procession on my way to get gas for tomorrow. It reminded me of my grandfathers funeral in 2001. Papaw, I miss you. We all do.
Hmmm, I really want one of those car window decals that says "I Drive Like a Cullen" because I do. I like to go fast.
I see two men in suits outside my window getting into a Dodge Magnum. That is a super ugly car. I should do my homework now.
In the immortal words of Tigger: "Ta-ta for now"!
Just:
207 days until my birthday,
240 days until Thanksgiving and
270 days until Christmas!
When I came in from class today, my room mate was watching my television. I guess she didn't go to class. What a shocker. I'm almost as shocked as I was when I found out that Ricky Martin is gay. I always knew there was something off about him as I never believed that "She Bangs". I also think that his mysteriously turning up with twin babies last year (minus the mother) should have let the stragglers who hadn't already figured it out in on the secret. I mean, what woman was he ever tabloid dating? None. The same with Clay Aiken. The women who were surprised to find out about him being gay were just plain stupid. Anyhow, I digress. If she isn't going to go to class, she shouldn't be here. She is wasting space.
I really want this car:
It's an Astin Martin dbs convertible. In the words of Jerry Lewis in "Money From Home"..."Isn't is quisnt"? Yes, yes it is.
New topic. Today I ate hummus, tofu and artichoke hearts. It was an interesting experience to say the least. The jury's still out on whether or not it was a pleasant one though. The deliberation may take a while. I suggest you find something to read.
Another new topic. Something outside is on fire. It's all hazy and it smells like burning wood. I'd say that's the dead give away. I just posted this exact paragraph on Twitter...minus this part. I passed by a funeral procession on my way to get gas for tomorrow. It reminded me of my grandfathers funeral in 2001. Papaw, I miss you. We all do.
Hmmm, I really want one of those car window decals that says "I Drive Like a Cullen" because I do. I like to go fast.
I see two men in suits outside my window getting into a Dodge Magnum. That is a super ugly car. I should do my homework now.
In the immortal words of Tigger: "Ta-ta for now"!
Just:
207 days until my birthday,
240 days until Thanksgiving and
270 days until Christmas!
Monday, March 29, 2010
I Can't Get No Satisfaction...
This is from the awesome website: Not Always Right!
Just Another Day In Stonerville
Sandwich Delivery | Chicago, IL, USA
I work at a gourmet sandwich company. We can make sandwiches for delivery, pickup, or sit-down. We often get calls from a lot of stoners that want their sandwiches delivered. Probably for “munchies.” It’s about 4pm on Saturday when I get this call.
Me: “Welcome to Jimmy John’s, this is Molly. How can I help you?”
Stoner 1: “Hey…yeah…”
Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”
Stoner 1: “What?”
Me: “Would you like to order something?”
Stoner 1: “Yes…”
(After about two minutes of silence…)
Me: “Hello? Are you still there, sir?”
Stoner 1: “Yeah, I’m waiting for you to like, ask me what I want.”
Me: “…Okay, what would you like?”
Stoner 1: *tells me his order*
Me: “Would you like anything else with that?”
Stoner 1: “Yeah… get me a cookie.”
(At this point, I hear a plethora of other stoners in the background.)
Stoner 2: “Cookies!? Where?”
Stoner 1: *laughing* “Dude, I’m on the phone with the cookie company!”
(Now I can hear Stoner 2 grab the phone and he begins talking to me.)
Stoner 2: “Hey, cookie company? Make that two cookies!”
Stoner 3: “Four cookies! I want two!”
Stoner 2: “SIX COOKIES!”
Me *trying not to laugh* “Okay, sir, will that be all?”
Stoner 2: “Yeahhhhhh.”
Me: “Will that be for pickup or delivery?”
Stoner 2: “Delivery…” *gives address*
Stoner 1: “DUDE, WHAT IF SHE’S A NARC?”
Stoner 2: “Sh*t! You know that address I just gave you? I lied about it!”
(Now I decide to have a little fun with them, considering they wasted my time.)
Me: “Okay, but as a little treat, I’m going to have it delivered anyway. My car will be the one with red and blue flashing lights that reads P-O-L-I-C-E on the side.”
Stoner 2: “A car with lights? That’s awesome!”
Stoner 1: “Dude, she means the police!”
Stoner 2: “SH*T!” *click*
(We ended up delivering to them anyway, because TECHNICALLY they never canceled their order. Our delivery guy came back with the full order, telling us that someone answered the door to tell him no one was home.)
Just Another Day In Stonerville
Sandwich Delivery | Chicago, IL, USA
I work at a gourmet sandwich company. We can make sandwiches for delivery, pickup, or sit-down. We often get calls from a lot of stoners that want their sandwiches delivered. Probably for “munchies.” It’s about 4pm on Saturday when I get this call.
Me: “Welcome to Jimmy John’s, this is Molly. How can I help you?”
Stoner 1: “Hey…yeah…”
Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”
Stoner 1: “What?”
Me: “Would you like to order something?”
Stoner 1: “Yes…”
(After about two minutes of silence…)
Me: “Hello? Are you still there, sir?”
Stoner 1: “Yeah, I’m waiting for you to like, ask me what I want.”
Me: “…Okay, what would you like?”
Stoner 1: *tells me his order*
Me: “Would you like anything else with that?”
Stoner 1: “Yeah… get me a cookie.”
(At this point, I hear a plethora of other stoners in the background.)
Stoner 2: “Cookies!? Where?”
Stoner 1: *laughing* “Dude, I’m on the phone with the cookie company!”
(Now I can hear Stoner 2 grab the phone and he begins talking to me.)
Stoner 2: “Hey, cookie company? Make that two cookies!”
Stoner 3: “Four cookies! I want two!”
Stoner 2: “SIX COOKIES!”
Me *trying not to laugh* “Okay, sir, will that be all?”
Stoner 2: “Yeahhhhhh.”
Me: “Will that be for pickup or delivery?”
Stoner 2: “Delivery…” *gives address*
Stoner 1: “DUDE, WHAT IF SHE’S A NARC?”
Stoner 2: “Sh*t! You know that address I just gave you? I lied about it!”
(Now I decide to have a little fun with them, considering they wasted my time.)
Me: “Okay, but as a little treat, I’m going to have it delivered anyway. My car will be the one with red and blue flashing lights that reads P-O-L-I-C-E on the side.”
Stoner 2: “A car with lights? That’s awesome!”
Stoner 1: “Dude, she means the police!”
Stoner 2: “SH*T!” *click*
(We ended up delivering to them anyway, because TECHNICALLY they never canceled their order. Our delivery guy came back with the full order, telling us that someone answered the door to tell him no one was home.)
Sunday, March 28, 2010
I Love Rock-N-Roll...
So, since there is nothing on TV on Saturday I watched the "Kids' Choice Awards" on Nickelodeon. Taylor Lautner won Favorite Actor. I wonder if his ripply new muscles had anything to do with it? Since that was the beginning of the broadcast, I decided to scrub the bathroom walls and let the show linger as background noise. Once it was over I switched to some soapy Lifetime movie about a pregnancy pact in some Massachusetts high school and then watched "Project Runway". I really should watch it more often, it's really entertaining...not the soapy movie, the ode to Heidi.
Only three days of class this week until the Easter Holiday break (that includes a whopping 4 whole days off)! It's almost like a second spring break, only I'll be made to go to church. We didn't go during actual spring break two weeks ago because we were on "vacation". Works for me!
I really want a "Strawberries and Creme Venti Frappachino" right now. I know, I know it's kind of pointless because it doesn't have any coffee in it but it's so good. It's like the "Pumpkin Spice" one that they have during the Fall season. If you get it with cream instead of coffee it tastes JUST like a pumpkin pie with cool whip! I also really want some kolaches.
Just:
209 until my birthday,
242 until Thanksgiving and
272 until Christmas!
Only three days of class this week until the Easter Holiday break (that includes a whopping 4 whole days off)! It's almost like a second spring break, only I'll be made to go to church. We didn't go during actual spring break two weeks ago because we were on "vacation". Works for me!
I really want a "Strawberries and Creme Venti Frappachino" right now. I know, I know it's kind of pointless because it doesn't have any coffee in it but it's so good. It's like the "Pumpkin Spice" one that they have during the Fall season. If you get it with cream instead of coffee it tastes JUST like a pumpkin pie with cool whip! I also really want some kolaches.
Just:
209 until my birthday,
242 until Thanksgiving and
272 until Christmas!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Honey, honey
So, today I went and bought a top coat for my nail polish that made my OPI "Lincoln Park After Dark" have a satin finish instead of a super shiny one. It looks pretty awesome. Combined with my awesome new eyeshadow, tomorrow is gonna be pretty fantastic.
**UPDATE** It is now March 28, 2010, and somehow my nails are just as shiny as if I put a regular top coat on them. I need a really GOOD matte top coat!
**UPDATE UPDATE** The next week was Spring Break. Since I was home I went to Ulta Beauty and bought Essie's Matte About You. It's a true matte top coat and it works beautifully.
**UPDATE** It is now March 28, 2010, and somehow my nails are just as shiny as if I put a regular top coat on them. I need a really GOOD matte top coat!
**UPDATE UPDATE** The next week was Spring Break. Since I was home I went to Ulta Beauty and bought Essie's Matte About You. It's a true matte top coat and it works beautifully.
Dancing Queen
Yay! I am excited! Today I bought the proper eyeshadow for the "Jane Volturi" look. I even got a red shadow to incorporate her eye color some. Actually I got this set:
It's called "Drama Eyes". I think it will work well. The only problem is that it's a little metallic and should probably be matte. I also think that, even though it's more of a night time look, It will be okay with nude lips and light blusher. If I can manage to not make a HUGE mess with the black, like I usually do, the experiment can be considered a success. I'm gonna have to get up an extra 30 minutes early just to be sure I have plenty of time to make it perfect. I may wait to try it till the week end though so I can practice it over and over again to whip it into perfection. Maybe I can look up a tutorial on YouTube to show me what to do.
Anyhow, I think I am going to buy a lot more eye makeup to build up a respectable collection.
No more for today.
Just:
212 days until my birthday,
245 days until Thanksgiving and
275 days until Christmas.
It's called "Drama Eyes". I think it will work well. The only problem is that it's a little metallic and should probably be matte. I also think that, even though it's more of a night time look, It will be okay with nude lips and light blusher. If I can manage to not make a HUGE mess with the black, like I usually do, the experiment can be considered a success. I'm gonna have to get up an extra 30 minutes early just to be sure I have plenty of time to make it perfect. I may wait to try it till the week end though so I can practice it over and over again to whip it into perfection. Maybe I can look up a tutorial on YouTube to show me what to do.
Anyhow, I think I am going to buy a lot more eye makeup to build up a respectable collection.
No more for today.
Just:
212 days until my birthday,
245 days until Thanksgiving and
275 days until Christmas.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Waterloo
I just realized that some of the script on the Twilight books is not the same. I mean, most of the letters are but some aren't. Like the second 'n' in New Moon is different than the 'n' on Breaking Dawn but the first one (in New) is the same meaning the first 'n' in New Moon is the same as the only 'n' in Breaking Dawn even thought the 'n' in Breaking Dawn falls in the same place as the extended 'n' in Moon. And the 'L' on Twilight is different than the 'l' on Eclipse because the Twilight 'L' is more pointed than the Eclipse 'L'. But all of the 'w' letters are the same no matter where they fall in the word. That's good. The 'i' letters are all the same also. That is also good. Yes, these are the things that bother me. My mind is a simple place.
I also think that I would like to do my eye make-up in the style of Jane Volturi:
I'm not that talented though.
Just:
213 days until my birthday,
246 days until Thanksgiving and
276 days until Christmas!
I also think that I would like to do my eye make-up in the style of Jane Volturi:
I'm not that talented though.
Just:
213 days until my birthday,
246 days until Thanksgiving and
276 days until Christmas!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Supermassive Black Hole...
So, I just saw "Twilight Saga: New Moon" last night. It was pretty okay. When I got home I jumped onto the Internet Movie Database (IMDB) and looked at some of the threads at the bottom of the page for TS:NM and found one entitled "Funny things people said in your theater". It was hilarious!
**********************************************************************************
My favorite from poster "dancer for real":
When Jacob said, "Have you ever had a secret, one you couldn't tell and wasn't yours to tell," someone said, "I'M HANNAH MONTANA!!!!!" SOOOOOOO FUNNY this movie was hysterical!
**********************************************************************************
Anyhow, today is my last day of spring break before I have to head back to Nac. It's been a wonderful week of rest and family time. It's also been a wonderful week of my bedroom all to myself. The only truly sucky part is the fact that today is the first day of spring and it's 36° outside and it's supposed to SNOW! Did I mention that I'm in Texas?? No? Well then, I'm in TEXAS!! I hate the cold. I hate to be cold. I'm conditioned for 80°-100° weather and this just ain't cutting it.
Just:
217 until my birthday,
250 until Thanksgiving and
280 until Christmas!
**********************************************************************************
My favorite from poster "dancer for real":
When Jacob said, "Have you ever had a secret, one you couldn't tell and wasn't yours to tell," someone said, "I'M HANNAH MONTANA!!!!!" SOOOOOOO FUNNY this movie was hysterical!
**********************************************************************************
Anyhow, today is my last day of spring break before I have to head back to Nac. It's been a wonderful week of rest and family time. It's also been a wonderful week of my bedroom all to myself. The only truly sucky part is the fact that today is the first day of spring and it's 36° outside and it's supposed to SNOW! Did I mention that I'm in Texas?? No? Well then, I'm in TEXAS!! I hate the cold. I hate to be cold. I'm conditioned for 80°-100° weather and this just ain't cutting it.
Just:
217 until my birthday,
250 until Thanksgiving and
280 until Christmas!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
His Cheeseburger...
Is no longer the greatest "Silly Song with Larry". The new reigning king is "Bellybutton". You can watch it below:
Tell me that that is not a total win.
Just:
2 days until spring break (thank God),
226 days until my birthday,
260 days until Thanksgiving and
290 days until Christmas!
Tell me that that is not a total win.
Just:
2 days until spring break (thank God),
226 days until my birthday,
260 days until Thanksgiving and
290 days until Christmas!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Rain, rain...Go AWAY!
Ugh, it's raining again (it always rains). Texas weather is the devil. The whole weekend was so nice and now it's poopie. Tomorrow's gross. Wednesday's gross. And THEN we finally get sun. Except I'm going home on Friday. Better have nice weather there next week.
Anyhow, I watched the end of the Oscars last night 'cause that's the only part that matters. I'm glad that James Cameron didn't win Best Director and even more glad that Avatar didn't win best picture which is odd because I didn't see either Avatar or The Hurt Locker. Or anything else for that matter. Anyhow, I hear Avatar is eerily similar to a certain other movie:
Anyhow, I watched the end of the Oscars last night 'cause that's the only part that matters. I'm glad that James Cameron didn't win Best Director and even more glad that Avatar didn't win best picture which is odd because I didn't see either Avatar or The Hurt Locker. Or anything else for that matter. Anyhow, I hear Avatar is eerily similar to a certain other movie:
Sunday, March 7, 2010
The Hardest Part of Breaking Up...
So, I got to have class at the zoo on Friday, how about you?
I thought that the Ellen Trout Zoo would be tiny. True, it's nothing like the Fort Worth or Dallas Zoos but it's still pretty awesome. We went specifically for the primates (De Brazza's Monkeys, Cotton Top Tamarins and the Black and white Ruffed Lemurs). We got to go "behind the scenes" as-it-were which was pretty cool. Then, several of us went to The Boy...I'm sorry...El Chico, for lunch. I love good Tex-Mex.
The best part of the weekend though was that my room mate went home. THAT was lovely. Oh, and the light over the desk went out so that means she can't have the bloody thing on until 4 o'clock in the morning when I'm trying to sleep!
I did join Twitter today for the sake of joining Craig Ferguson's Robot Skeleton Army...and because my friend Avery, whom I haven't talked to in ages, is on. So, that's good. It's time to sleep now so I'm gonna' go.
Just:
05 days until spring Break,
230 days until my birthday,
263 days until Thanksgiving and
293 days until Christmas!
I thought that the Ellen Trout Zoo would be tiny. True, it's nothing like the Fort Worth or Dallas Zoos but it's still pretty awesome. We went specifically for the primates (De Brazza's Monkeys, Cotton Top Tamarins and the Black and white Ruffed Lemurs). We got to go "behind the scenes" as-it-were which was pretty cool. Then, several of us went to The Boy...I'm sorry...El Chico, for lunch. I love good Tex-Mex.
The best part of the weekend though was that my room mate went home. THAT was lovely. Oh, and the light over the desk went out so that means she can't have the bloody thing on until 4 o'clock in the morning when I'm trying to sleep!
I did join Twitter today for the sake of joining Craig Ferguson's Robot Skeleton Army...and because my friend Avery, whom I haven't talked to in ages, is on. So, that's good. It's time to sleep now so I'm gonna' go.
Just:
05 days until spring Break,
230 days until my birthday,
263 days until Thanksgiving and
293 days until Christmas!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
U + Me = Us
So...um...guess where I get to go on Friday. Go on, guess!
Nope...
I get to go to the Ellen Trout Zoo! Woot woot! Woot woot!
My "Monkeys, Apes and Humans" class is going to see the lemurs and little monkeys they have there. It's a small zoo - nothing compared to the Fort Worth or Dallas Zoos - but it'll be fun nonetheless. I LOVE zoos. The last time I went was in August right before the fall semester began. I still had my stitches - may they burn in Hell - and sodium loss through sweat caused my skin to swell pulling on them. It was AWFUL. I had fun though.
Anyhow, the Ellen Trout Zoo is AZA certified so they get animals that were bred here in North America rather than ones captured and taken from the wild. It's better. The zoo has to comply with strict habitat, food and health guidelines.
Just:
09 days until Spring Break
234 days until my birthday
267 days until Thanksgiving
297 days until Christmas
Nope...
I get to go to the Ellen Trout Zoo! Woot woot! Woot woot!
My "Monkeys, Apes and Humans" class is going to see the lemurs and little monkeys they have there. It's a small zoo - nothing compared to the Fort Worth or Dallas Zoos - but it'll be fun nonetheless. I LOVE zoos. The last time I went was in August right before the fall semester began. I still had my stitches - may they burn in Hell - and sodium loss through sweat caused my skin to swell pulling on them. It was AWFUL. I had fun though.
Anyhow, the Ellen Trout Zoo is AZA certified so they get animals that were bred here in North America rather than ones captured and taken from the wild. It's better. The zoo has to comply with strict habitat, food and health guidelines.
Just:
09 days until Spring Break
234 days until my birthday
267 days until Thanksgiving
297 days until Christmas
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